The Wild Girls of Magnolia
by Empress of Everything
Summary: Partners in crime. Best friends. Drinkers of coffee and alcohol. Queens of Vermillion U. Prank players extraordinaire. Runners of the relationship betting pools. Knowers of all the gossip. Sisters in all but blood. Through thick and thin they've been there for each other. Nothing will ever change that. They are the Wild Girls of Magnolia and there is no stopping them.
1. Stupid Rom-Com Anime

**A/N:** All right! Here is the first one shot in the Wild Girls of Magnolia collection! It mostly focuses on Cana's and Lucy's friendship, with some other friends and side pairings popping up every now and then.

 **Pairing:** Lucy/Cana best friendship

 **Prompt:** the ending of the Buzzfeed Violet video Things Girls Do When They're Alone. (Go watch it, it's hilarious!)

* * *

When you're roommates with someone for four years running, and going on fifteen years of friendship, you see every side of them.

The good, the bad, the ugly sobbing.

The family drama, the boy drama, the 'let's plan a super awesome prank that will guarantee Gildarts' knickers will get in a twist', the 'oh, someone kill me now before this hangover does even though it's my fifteenth this week'...

Wait, that last one may only apply if you're Cana Alberona Clive's roommate.

Which she was.

That's right, Lucy's roommate was the quote unquote "drunkess" of Vermillion University. The two had been friends for so long, Cana's drinking had finally ceased to bother Lucy.

Lucy and Cana had been best friends since 3rd grade when Cana had kicked Hibiki Lates between the legs for trying to kiss Lucy. Lucy followed Cana everywhere for three years with a serious case of hero worship for the slightly older girl. Despite Cana's dad being a cop and Lucy's father being an important businessman, the two managed to get up to all sorts of high jinks between elementary school and college.

High school had been interesting to say the least, between pining over upperclassmen, running a relationship betting pool, and being labeled as their graduating class's troublemakers. Lucy had punched Bacchus in the face for breaking Cana's heart in 10th grade (which made her even more famous in Fiore High). Cana protected her 'little sister' from the over enthusiastic advances of Loke and Hibiki, who still hadn't learned his lesson.

So they grew up, got a little wiser (relatively speaking), and went off to college, firm in their friendship.

By way of some _serious_ string pulling, Lucy was able to get the two of them in the same dorm room for all four years of college. She cited the fact she had been dealing with a drunk and/or hungover Cana for over ten years; she was clearly the best person for the job. Cana showed her appreciation by cutting back on the sheer insanity of some of the pranks she pulled.

Still, the Wild Girls of Magnolia threw themselves wholeheartedly into the rather odd culture of Vermillion U. They quickly became notorious on campus for knowing all the gossip plus running the various betting pools. Even Mirajane went to them when she wanted to know how her ships were interacting. Their antics became legendary, seeing as the first week of school, Lucy had to talk Cana down from the English building roof after Lucy had child-locked the booze.

Cana never let Roy Mustang, 3rd year Chem major, forget that you don't break the heart of her best friend. And you _especially_ don't use said best friend as a rebound girl to get over your blonde ex. He transferred schools a week later. Yes, the Magnolia girls are just that scary!

Then there was the time an inebriated Cana had persuaded Lucy to join her dancing the the rain, both girls wearing nothing but their lacy underwear and high heels.

Though Lucy still hadn't forgiven her for the Celery Incident. She didn't think Cana would _ever_ be forgiven for that escapade…

Come to think of it, most of their misadventures occurred when alcohol got involved… But honestly, things that Cana did had long since ceased to faze Lucy. If anything, it helped her deal better with some of Natsu's more exasperating antics.

Lucy was justified in thinking she had seen just about everything.

Walking out of her room to find Cana lazing on the couch wearing nothing but her birthday suit was a new one.

Lucy dropped her popcorn and gaped. Cana could not possibly be more nonchalant. She was lounging with her feet propped up on the coffee table, a remote in one hand and a glass of wine in the other. Some vapid soap opera was playing on the TV but Cana didn't seem to be paying attention to that.

She was also as naked as a jaybird.

"What are you doing?" Lucy demanded, eyebrows skyrocketing.

Cana turned to give her friend a Cheshire cat grin. "Living my best life," she said simply. Lucy blinked a few times, then shrugged. This was _not_ the weirdest thing Cana had ever done with Lucy around believe it or not. "Whatever." She leaned against the back of the couch, staring at the TV.

"Hey, wanna watch some stupid romcom anime?" Cana asked, absently grabbing the bag of popcorn Lucy had picked back up.

"Why not?" Lucy backed up and leapt over the couch, landing on the cushion next to her birthday suited friend. Cana raised her hand for a high five and Lucy obliged. "Ten points for that one." She glanced at Cana's bare skin. "Aren't you cold?"

"Why do you think I'm wearing socks, Brown Eyes?" Cana lifted a foot and wiggled her toes.

Lucy shrugged and snatched her popcorn back. "Fair point. At least you aren't naked on the roof again."

"That was _one_ time, Brown Eyes." Cana rolled her own eyes. " _One time._ "

"You still did it. And…"

"Don't you dare bring up the Celery Incident. I said sorry a thousand times, okay?"

Lucy threw her hands up, somehow not dumping her popcorn everywhere. "Fine, fine! Just be grateful Gildarts never heard the whole story." Cana shot Lucy a terrified glance as if to say, 'oh, Mavis, don't even suggest such a thing'. "Now, we were watching a stupid romcom anime or not?"

* * *

 **A/N:** Mehh, not the best ending. But I love Cana and Lucy's friendship and seriously think the two could get up to some wild stuff if they put their minds to it. XD


	2. Crack Americanos

**A/N:** _#2 in the Wild Girls Universe! More Cana and Lucy friendship, as well as giving you a peek at the ships_ _that'll be making their debut soon. The timeline of the story hops about a bit, so this is not directly after the first chapter. It's all over the place. ;)_

 _If y'all have any suggestions for antics our two leading ladies can get up to, leave a review! (The Celery Incident will be revealed soon...)_

* * *

Lucy came swinging in the door, as cheerful as always. "Good morning!" She chirped.

Levy shook her head fondly at her old friend. "Honestly, I don't know how you can be so awake and you haven't even had coffee yet." Gajeel grunted a disbelieving agreement next to her. He had only met the bubbly woman a couple times and she seemed a bit crazy. Of course he knew of her; everyone did. His best friend Juvia was rooming with the two 'Wild Girls' and she assured him that all the rumors were true. Lucy Heartfilia and Cana Alberona Clive were _insane_. "And you're surprisingly cheerful, even more so than usual." Levy eyed her speculatively while keeping an eye on the milk steamer. "What happened, did Laxus kiss you or something?"

Lucy's cheeks flushed scarlet and her grin got even bigger. Levy almost dropped the milk. "He didn't!" She squealed, her blue hair bouncing as she bounced.

Lucy giggled. "Tell you later. Right now, I need one of your 24oz, cream and enough sugar to kill a horse crack Americanos before I _die._ "

Gajeel stared in horror at the blonde leaning against the counter. A _crack_ Americano? Was Love and Lucky selling _drugs_ in their coffee? He cut his eyes over to Levy, wondering if she had heard what her friend had said. Surely this cute shop wasn't a coverup for a drug cartel... Levy merely rolled her eyes and sighed. "Lucy, stop calling them that, you're going to get me in trouble one of these days."

"Sorry, Levs, it's just that, I have no clue what you put in them, but every time I get an Americano, I'm _wired_ for the rest of the day."

"Well, if you didn't get six shots and half a cup of sugar for a start..." Levy said drily. "I'm surprised your heart hasn't stopped from how much caffeine you put in your system daily."

The blonde giggled, her bright eyes sparkling. Waving a hand airily, she spoke. "Easy. I've built up a tolerance over the years. Like Cana with her drinking habit."

"You know, I'm surprised her liver still functions."

"Have you _met_ Gildarts? He's the same way. Livers of steel, those two. Good genes that got passed down to Cana is the only reason I can come up with for why Cana hasn't died of alcohol poisoning just yet." Lucy propped her chin on her hand and pouted. "And it makes it really hard to win a drinking game against her."

Levy looked at her blandly. "Why would you even try."

"Eh, it never hurts," Lucy said with a shrug. "Well. Actually it does. But my alcohol tolerance has grown exponentially since Cana and I have been friends. I once drank an entire bottle of tequila and only got a mild headache," she mused, absently accepting her enormous coffee from Levy and taking a hearty mouthful despite the heat.

Gajeel could only shake his head at the blonde waved and bounded out of the shop. It was confirmed:

Cana Alberona Clive and Lucy Ashely Heartfilia were _INSANE_.

* * *

 **A/N:** _The crack Americano thing? Yeah, I actually had a lady come and tell me that our Americanos were like crack. Seriously. Add that to the joke that white chocolate powder looks like some kind of drug... Yeah. Weird times in the coffee shop!_


	3. 4am and Bacon

**A/N:** _Written as a request for my dear **apriiil**! Introducing the other member of the __Alberona-Clive/Heartfilia madness triangle, Miss Juvia Lockser! And various other minor plot points._

 _Prompt: "You did all this for me?"_

* * *

Exhaustion was at the forefront of Lucy's mind; pure, unfiltered, undiluted exhaustion. Pulling a week of all night shifts, nine hours each, at Blue Pegasus on top of her classes wasn't a smart idea. The drunks and college students were making her crazy. If Hibiki tried flirting with her one more time, she was going to go all Erza Scarlet on him. Fifteen years of evading him and his advances, she thought he'd get the point.

But hey, those tips were helping pay rent. That was important. She could put up with a little annoyance like Hibiki.

"Mahhhhhh….." Lucy slumped through the door, kicking her shoes off and dropping her bags on top of them. 4am and the apartment was surprisingly quiet. Juvia was home visiting her parents and Cana had spent the day before with Gildarts so no one was home. "Hm, maybe I should get a cat," Lucy mumbled as she staggered toward her bed. Not even bothering to change out of her black dress and stockings, she collapsed face-down onto her pillow. She was asleep before her head hit the pillow.

Six hours later, Lucy's eyelids fluttered open. Her nose twitched rapidly as a delicious smell wafted through the apartment. _Must find source of smell. Smells like bacon. Bacon is life._

Lucy did her best to imitate a zombie-like shuffle and cursed as her dress tried to kill her. "Hello, floor. How are you today?" She mumbled into the carpet. "I hope you're doing good, because I'm not. I feel like how I imagine Bixlow feels right about now, hungover and half-dead."

"Lucy, are you talking to the floor again?" Juvia's blue head poked through the open door. One eyebrow went up at the sight of her roommate face-first on the floor. "Lucy, Juvia thought she'd told you not to drink while at work."

A groan at Juvia's momness informed her that Lucy was in fact still alive. One finger rose as the jurisprudence major defended herself. "Not drunk, Juvi, just really really tired. And hungry." Her messy blonde head lifted half off the ground. "What's cooking?" She joked weakly. Juvia shook her head and helped the blonde up. "Honestly, Lucy, Juvia doesn't know what to do with you. You didn't even change!"

As the two made their way to their common area, Lucy tried not to lean all her weight on her friend. "Didn't feel like changing. Though I realize that was a bad idea now." She scratched at the spot where her bra, the cute red lace one, was digging into her side. _Whoops, forgot to take that off too._

They got to the kitchen and Juvia let go of Lucy as she collapsed onto the barstool. Cana whistled, waving the tongs at her. "Girl, you look like death warmed over. Here," she shoved a plate loaded with food under Lucy's half-conscious nose.

Lucy whimpered in delight at the sight of toast, bacon, and biscuits and gravy. "Cana, you and Juvi did this all for me?"

The physics major smiled and patted her friend's head. "Juvia and I both knew you've been working your cute little butt off and thought you deserved a bit of pampering." Cana lightly bonked Lucy on the forehead. "Don't get used to it, though, missy. You're making dinner tonight."

Both girls were nearly bowled over at the force of Lucy's sudden tackle hug.

It was official, she had the best roommates on the planet.


	4. The Rules

On the fridge hung a neatly written list. The brightly colored marker made the list stand out against the white fridge. Seeing as this was the first time Laxus had visited the apartment his sort-of crush lived in, he was understandably curious. He wasn't prepared for the list that met his eyes. His previous assumption that it was a grocery list was smashed into oblivion as he read the list of rules, eyebrows edging higher and higher.

 **Rules of Cana and Lucy's house** : ( **Juvia** had been added in a rich blue.)

1\. Never drink anything in the fridge unless it is clearly labeled DOES NOT CONTAIN ALCOHOL. Cana is not above spiking water. Or milk. Or juice. Or Lucy's coffee.

 _That was one time, Brown Eyes. Doesn't count._

 _It still counts. I had to go to a 7am class with a hangover because of you. You're lucky you're still alive._

2\. If you ever encounter a drunk Lucy, be sure to keep her away from all electronic devices. She has a tendency to FaceTime while drunk.

 _Really Cana? Like you're one to talk._

3\. Don't ask Juvia about her obsession with water. She will drown you in your sleep.

 ** _Juvia isn't_ that _obsessed with water, Cana._**

 _Juvi, you tried to drown Natsu when he asked about the fishbowl. You're obsessed, sweetie._

 _Seconded._

 ** _Juvia think you are both crazy pants._**

 _And proud of it!_

4\. Avoid the household when finals are coming up. Your murder will be your own fault.

5\. The coffee is Lucy's, the alcohol is Cana's, and the tea is Juvia's. Milk and orange juice, as long as they aren't spiked, are free game. Just ask first, please. Same rule applies to leftovers unless they're labeled. If they're labeled and you eat them, you **_will_** die.

 _Seriously, Natsu, our groceries are not your groceries. If you don't stop eating our food, you'll be banned from the apartment permanently._

 _Even though Juvi's potato casserole is really yummy._

6\. Natsu, if you don't stop putting fish in the freezer, Lucy _will_ lynch you with your scarf. _Again, not your house._

7\. Gray, the box with your clothes should still be in the hall closet. If not, look under Cana's bed.

 _I don't know why she's hoarding your clothes, Gray. It's weird. Even weirder than Cana usually is_ _._

 _Can it, Heartfilia. I like the way he smells._

8\. Thou shall not encourage flash mobs. Under any circumstances. EVER.

 _We are not reliving the senior prank ever again, Cana. Even though it was pretty freaking amazing._

 _Yes it was._

 ** _Juvia is curious about this senior prank now._**

 _I'll show you the video later, Juvi. It was awesome. You should've seen Lucy's dad._

 ** _Juvia is very afraid that this means you and Lucy were naked/partially nude for this prank._**

 _….I will neither confirm nor deny anything._

9\. It doesn't matter how much you like him, male guests are not allowed to stay the night unless they are related to you by blood.

10\. If uninvited male guests do not stop climbing into Lucy's bed, the window will become your exit.

 _Natsu…_

 _NATSU…_

 ** _Natsu should leave Lucy alone before she kills you._**

11\. When Rangiku and Toshiro come over, all booze is to be confiscated and hidden with Juvia in possession of the key to the hiding place.

11.A. If Juvia is not home, the key and possibly the stash of booze is to be taken across the hall to Mrs. Curtis.

 _She's the only person in this whole building that can be trusted with it and not drink it all up._

 _Why is that do you think?_

 ** _Because Mrs. Curtis is an actual adult, not a college student._**

 _She makes a good point._

Laxus would readily admit that these three girls confounded him. Half the list didn't even make sense. He was beginning to understand why Lucy, Cana, and Juvia were considered insane by almost everyone in Crocus.


	5. Bluebird's Butt

"He's _totally_ staring at your boobs!" Cana said raucously. Gesturing to the shell-shocked freshman who had made the mistake of coming near the two girls, she took a sip from her ever present flask and cackled. Levy raised an unimpressed eyebrow, glanced down at her chest, then back at the other woman.

"Cana, I don't _have_ boobs." The bluenette pointed out calmly.

Cana blinked. "Oh, right. Sorry, Bluebird. Guess he wasn't then."

After the boob comment, Levy assumed Cana was done.

She wasn't.

"Maybe he was staring at your butt," Cana said thoughtfully. Levy spluttered. After the long silence, Levy had thought Cana had forgotten all about it. "You do have a nice butt, Bluebird. Perfect size for you and makes up for your lack of endowment." Lucy came over in time to hear the tail end of the conversation.

"Cana," she sighed. The blonde seated herself next to the two, gratefully setting down her heavy bag. "Honestly? Leave Levy alone. She doesn't understand your harassment and lack of filter. Find someone else to pick on."

"Does she always just... _say_ things like that? _Out loud?_ "

"Yes. We have had extensive conversations on the state of my boobs. Like whether or not they look good in my shirt or something silly like that."

Levy gaped. "And you _let_ her?"

Lucy raised an unimpressed eyebrow. "She's been saying it since we hit puberty. Like most of her quirks, I've learned to ignore it." Levy marveled at Lucy's calm acceptance of Cana's weirdness.

The three girls were silent as they watched the hustle and bustle of the campus. Cana's eyes brightened as a familiar figure passed into her range of vision. "Hey Gajeel!" She hollered and flagged down her drinking buddy. The dark haired man stalked over, studded eyebrows raised. Levy was slowly sinking down, attempting to become one with the bench. Her face resembled the color of Erza's hair. Leave it to Cana to flag the _only_ person on all of campus that Levy had a crush on. It was hard enough that Levy had to work with him, but this… This was just _cruel_.

She suspected Cana knew that and manipulated situations accordingly. However drunk and stupid the brunette acted, she was much sharper than most people gave her credit for. Many considered Lucy the brains of the two but they failed to recognize that Cana and Lucy were partners in crime. Both were equally smart, though Cana readily agreed that Lucy was the more clever one. Besides, Cana ran the campus betting pool. _Of course_ she knew all the gossip before anyone else.

"Alberona, Heartfilia," his hard face softened fractionally. "Levy." The two roommates exchanged wicked looks. "What are you talking about?" Why on earth would Levy's face be scarlet and why was she trying to hide?

"Levy's butt!" Cana sang out.

"CANA!" Lucy and Levy shrieked. Levy wished the ground would open up and swallow her whole. Lucy was less embarrassed and more annoyed. Accordingly, she reached over and smacked the back of her best friend's head, ignoring her cry of outrage. They would be having a talk about thinking before speaking when they got home. Again.

Gajeel's face turned the color of a boiled lobster. "I'm...gonna go that way…" He gestured vaguely in the opposite direction and hastily beat a retreat.


End file.
